walking on this icy path this feeling keeps me from freezing

This is a song I wrote a couple months ago, when my parents we're constantly fighting, then not talking, then fighting. They've been fighting for a good 4 years now, but they're doing much better these days.

I usually never let anyone read my lyrics, cause it's such a personal thing.
And because I especially hate cheesy lyrics, so if someone reads it and says it's cheesy, I want to shoot myself. [Figure of Speech]

So... here it is... :)

---

Screaming Silence
The View From Saturday

Words can't express what you're doing to us
Words can't express how you're making us feel
Don't make us have to put up with it anymore
Don't be mistaken by the way we appear

Stare up into the sky
Block out all the words I'm hearing
Those fights kill me inside
Can you speak for once tonight?

Why do you have to put us through this
Do you know how much it hurts to see you hurt like this
Stop the pain you're causing not just to you, but to me too
Stop the silence, stop the fighting, stop the pain

Stare up into the sky
Block out all the words I'm hearing
Those fights kill me inside
Can you speak for once tonight?

Part if you must, but keep in mind all the people you might leave behind
If it's best for you, then it's best for me, as long as you're both happy
But if there's a chance for love to make its way through
Give it your all and make our dreams come true

Stare up into the sky (Stare up into the sky)
Block out all the words I'm hearing (Words that I'm hearing)
Those fights kill me inside (Kill me Inside)
Can you speak for once tonight? (Speak for once tonight)
Stare up into the sky (Stare up into the sky)
Block out all the words I'm hearing (Words that I'm hearing)
Those fights they kill me inside (Kill me inside)
Can you speak for once tonight? (Can you speak for once tonight?)





Italics = Backup Vocals

Who is the old fart?

I'M THE OLD FART!
:D

It's my birthday tomorrow! WOOHOO!
FIFTEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
I'm finally old enough to watch the scary movies on HBO!  *SCORE*

Crystal and I are skipping art class to go to Lotte World... FOR THE WHOLE DAY!
[One of the famous amusement parks in Seoul]

We're waking up at 7 to get there early, then coming back whenever it closes.

So yeah. It's nothing special.
Well it is, because it's the first time I get to actually celebrate my birthday outside of home, with friends, since I turned 11.
So.
I'M EXCITED.
Amusement Parks are love.
Candy... Fatty Foods... Roller Coasters... Screaming... Possible Vomiting...
You gotta love it.

I don't know why I'm announcing it.
Maybe just over excited.
YAAAAAAY!

Bonne Fete a MOI.

YUP.
I am in Seoul now with Crystal [atavan]!
I arrived yesterday at 4am.

I LOVE THIS PLACE.
It has great food.
Great places.
GREAT WEATHER!
IT'S COLD!
I LOVE. COLD.
Reminds me of home [Canada] :]
And!
Its climate has tamed my frizzy, kinky hair!
And is oddly, but fortunately, clearing up my acne prone complexion!
GO SEOUL!
I belong here.

Okay but something importante, mon amis.

The place where I am staying at does not have wireless internet connections.
SO, I might not be on here for days... Even weeks... :(
SO, Don't expect Chapter 5 to be up tomorrow or anything, because I'm at Crystal's Uncle's place, and the Chapter is on my laptop, which is at home!
I'll be here til the end of July, so when I arrive back in Manila, I will try to be on 24/7.

But then school starts in August [7th, to be exact]
So.
Yes.
I'm really sorry for not being able to post it but by the time I get to, I'll probably be posting chapters 6 and 7 too!
Hopefully!

Ta Ta for Now!

Sarah xx.

Recap: She looked up at me from her hands, tears in her eyes, and shook her head.

 

---

 

Sara’s POV

 

All these horrible words and numbers kept echoing in the back of my head, piercing me; not wanting to leave me alone.

Ten percent chance of recovery. Ten. Percent. This is unbelievable. I don’t understand why they can’t just give him the treatments he needed right now! I turned back to the doctor and took my hands away from my faces and just let the tears flow freely. 

            “What do you mean it’s too late to give him any treatments?” I was speaking to a doctor. He was the man that was supposed to save lives. Not let them die. “This doesn’t make sense,” none of this was making sense, “You’re telling me there is a ten percent chance of recovery... But you’re not giving him any surgery or treatments or whatever he needs... How does that work!?”
            “Mrs. Davis, as I had previously tried explained, it is too late-”
            “No, it is not too late! He is alive! You can save him! Please!” I couldn’t control myself. Jeremy and I had been trying so hard to create a child, and when we finally succeeded... I didn’t even want to think about it, but my mind was going crazy.
            “Please, Mrs. Davis, listen, it has already spread-”
            “Dr. McIsaac.” I stood up from the uncomfortable chair of the depressing waiting room, toppling over a little bit, but I grabbed the wall for support. My vision started to blur a little, but I had to keep focus. I had to do something. “I do not care about how much it’d cost to get these procedures done. We are talking about a five year old boy, with a life full of experiences waiting to be experienced. And doctor, we are wasting time just standing here talking, when you could be doing something about this right at this very moment.” I was looking him straight in the eye.

You could tell he was searching for an answer, going through the choices he had. He let out a big sigh and pushed his glasses back up from falling over the edge of his nose. He turned back to search for a sign of help from the nurse that was standing in the corner of the room, listening to our conversation. She shot him a quick look, then looked at me, then turned and headed for the front desk.
            “I’m sorry, but...” He grabbed my hands gently, but with a firm grip. I knew what he was going to say, but I didn’t even bother arguing. I just glanced down to the floor and felt each tear roll down my cheek and drop down, and when it hit the cold tiles it made a thunderous, earth-shattering sound, almost as if to cause an earthquake, convincing me that this was the end. “There is just nothing that we could do,” I could sense sympathy in his voice, as if he knew what it was like to lose a child. “I wish there was... But... there just isn’t.” I don’t know why, but, I just let it go. I didn’t have the energy to fight back. I slowly twisted my body around the other direction, letting go of Dr. McIsaac’s grip. I slowly dragged my feet, one after the other.

 

Doctors were running past me in all directions, phones were ringing, people were filling out forms, families huddled together praying. But I didn’t see any of it. I couldn’t hear any of it. Everything was just a blur. My eyes searched for hope. But there was nothing there.

Somehow I made it to Room 503. I stood right in front of the door, just staring at the numbers. Then I looked through the small glass window, and I saw Jeremy, kneeling down beside Kennan. Brushing his fingers through his thick black hair. And it almost looked as if Jeremy was whispering to him; probably words of hope that he’ll make it through.  And I noticed tears filling up in his eyes. Then I looked over at Keenan. And that’s when it hit me.

 

My son is dying. I will never see him again after a certain day.

My legs started to shake when tears started to fall again as I leaned my back against the door and slid down onto the floor. I buried my face in my hands once again and broke down.

How could I continue living knowing my son was going to die? How could anyone continue living knowing someone so close to their heart was going to die? I sat there on the cold tiles for what seemed like an eternity, but turned out to be fifteen minutes.

I decided I had to pull myself together and tell Jeremy the news.

He had been so patient, just crouching by the bed watching Keenan, waiting for hours, waiting for an answer. How was I going to tell my husband that our son was going to die from Acute Lymphocytic Leukaemia? I managed to stand myself up with the help of a chair and the door knob and quietly open the door. I must have been very quiet because Jeremy didn’t even notice me. But then the door creaked and Jeremy looked up with questioning eyes.

 

I didn’t have the courage to tell him, even though he needed to know. I’d let Dr. McIsaac tell him.

I could sense Jeremy really wanted an answer, even though he already knew it wasn’t going to be good. All I could manage to do was look at him. He searched my face, but couldn’t find anything.

 “Well?” he asked, eagerly. I shook my head. Again, I couldn’t help but start crying, again, burying my face, again. Jeremy stood up, walked over to me, and wrapped his arms around me, tightly, and I could feel him shaking, shaking from crying, though I couldn’t hear him cry at all. I felt his tears run down the back of my neck.

 

“We can’t let this happen, Sara,” he squeezed me tighter, “we just can’t.”

---

Okay, okay, I realize this chapter is REALLY short, but I didn’t want to put something happy after something really terrible just happened, right? It just wouldn’t be... right.
So that’s Chapter IV.
Poor Keenan. L Acute Lymphocytic Leukaemia. Damn.
School ends next, next week! Then I’m off to Seoul, South Korea for vacation with my friend Crystal [atavan]!
I’ll have plenty of time to write more stuff then, so... *Bob Marley Voice* don’t worry, be happy. :D

Sarah xx.

 

OKAY,
due to the rapidly increasing number of buildings being built, there is a much higher need of power on our tiny island (1km x 7km) , and so, my house the whole island has been getting black outs almost every DAY!

THAT MEANS.
Internet could be dead for days weeks!

THAT MEANS.
If I don't reply to your note for more than around 3 days or so, je n'ai pas l'internet.
NO INTERNET.

But, of course, I'll reply right away, when I do get wireless connections back.
So yes, I had to inform you guys, so, um, [?] bear with me!

Adios Amigos!
Sarah xx.

I try to become friends with people on Buzznet, like be really good friends, like being able to call them by their name instead of username, and have inside jokes and being able to not always start a note with “Hi, how are you?” but something like “OMG YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!”

 

But it’s like NO ONE WILL TALK TO ME.

 

I try to introduce myself to them you, try to start a friendship, but NOPE. I don’t know what it is.

 

Do I have to be a Buzzmaker or Buzznet Original to talk to you?

Do I have to be a model or hairstylist?

Do I have to have Pink Hair!?

DO I!?

 

It’s like... I try to be friends with them... But I never get a reply... Never get a note... Nothing. I try to let them know that I want to be friends with them, but nope.

 

I’m pretty much invisible. I could write a journal saying “Farewell, Cruel World, I Am Ending My Life” and no one would care, unless my best friends in real life saw it. I have a lot to say, but my voice is but a spec of dust in the air. Some people won’t even talk to me because they think I’m not a true fan of MCR. Fucking hell, are you kidding me??

 

If I check out someone’s page or something and say to myself, ‘Hey I really like this guy/girl, we have a lot in common’ or something and I leave them a note or a comment, they would probably say “Hey thanks for the add” then. Nothing. Never hear from them again. 

 

Some people on here, are such good friends, they know each other SO well, and they only know each other through the internet, not in real life. Like, I don't want this to sound selfish, but I want to be able to have that, you know?

 

I really, really like making new friends.

I like being close with people.

 

You know what’s funny, but not funny?

Some people in my Top Friends, I’ve only spoken to ONCE. One note, back and forth.

 

 

I bet you... Only... 10 5 people, MAX, will actually read this.

          Okay, so since I'm in the Philippines, we are like 12 hours ahead of you guys so it's the end of April 9th for us and the beginning for you guys, which makes me proud since I was probably the first one to yell "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERARD!" at the top of my lungs the moment I woke up and caused my fam to go crazy on me.

          It was SO funny though. My dad woke me up for school [I can't wake up myself, I NEED someone to wake me up, or I'll just sleep in] and he whispered "It's your mother's birthday today" and then I sat up and just yelled it. Sorta startled the hell outta him. And woke up my mom and bro. Hahaha.

          Then when school came I announced it to the world [well, the student population] that it was his birthday and what do I get in return? "Happy Birthday Gerard..." very unenthusiastic, but hey, it's okay. Everyone at the school knows who Gerard [and Frank, Ray, Bob, Mikey, and MCR] is now, because of ME.  Makes me feel so proud. I am promoting them and spreading the fucking wonderful powerful AGH can't explain myself again.

          But anyways. Yeah. Oh and I wrote all these things all over my arms in Sharpie about Gerard and his birthday and I drew 31's everywhere [HAHA Lyrics of "Pretty Fly": He asked for a 13 but they drew a 31!] and it drove the teachers BONKERS. Yes... I even wore makeup today, just for Gerard. Even though he'll never see it. Ah well.

          It was also my mom's birthday today. She's turning 36. Well I mean, she IS 36. And Gerard is 31. But at the same time, since he's in the States, twelve hours in the past, he's still 30. FREAKY!

Wanna know another freaky thing?
April 9th = Gerard's Birthday, My Mom's Birthday
October 31st = Frank's Birthday, My Dad's Birthday
I told one of my friends and she was like, "I KNEW IT! Frank and Gerard ARE your parents!"
BAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah... It's 11:49pm here. I need to sleep. With my insomnia, I'll probably fall asleep at like. 3am. DAMN IT.
Well. GOODNIGHT.

Recap: If I Was In The Middle of Eating Right Now, I Would’ve Choked On My Food.

 

 

---

Ashleigh’s POV

 

 

            It took me a while to process what Josh had just said. And when it did…

            “I KNEW IT!” I threw my arms in the air. “I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!” I really did. But I think I was the only one that noticed it… That could SENSE it. Other than Sarah. But, no, really. Then I started to throw a fit. “WHY, DID YOU GUYS BREAK UP!? WHY!? YOU GUYS WERE SO PERFECT TOGETHER AND YOU WERE SO PERFECT! AND! … JUST… WHYYYYY!?!?!?!” I was going crazy like a chimpanzee and ended up stubbing my toe on the leg of the coffee table.

            “Thanks for breaking the no random outburst promise.” Josh said, clearly not happy.

            “I didn’t promise!” I let him know. Zac was still staring at Josh. Mouth wide open. Anytime now a little fly will fly inside. And it’d create a hole in his cheek and lay eggs. Then the hole would be closed again because skin would grow back over and engulf the eggs like in the scientific process of endocytosis. And then when the little larva in the little eggs is mature they will break free through his cheek and out of his mouth. That happened to one of my old teachers when she was sleeping. One day they just burst out of her mouth. The thought scares me. But Zac wouldn’t even move. That’s how stunned he was. Then I turned to him. “Oh come on, don’t tell me you didn’t know! YOU’RE HIS BROTHER!”

            “I can’t believe you. She left the band… because of you!?” He was emphasizing ‘you’. It’s not good when Zac emphasizes things. Or when he ignores me. He was speaking directly at Josh.

            “Zac, we we’re gonna-” Josh started.

            “Gonna what? Tell us? You guys were together for EIGHT YEARS! When did you plan on telling us!? The day before we died!?” Zac was not happy.

            “Zac you don’t understand-”

            “No YOU don’t understand!” More emphasizm. “You should’ve known better then to be together with a member of your own band because you know that if something happened between you two, it would affect the whole band, and look. IT DID!” He got up off the couch with his hands all over his face. “I cannot BELIEVE THIS!” He started walking towards the stairs. 

            “Well don’t blame it all on me; Hayley had a big part in it too!” Josh started following Zac up the stairs. “Zac, please, just LET ME EXPLAIN!”

            “No, Josh.” He stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to look him in the face. “You’ve had plenty of time to explain.” Walk, walk, walk…

 

*DOOR SLAM*

 

            Now I was just sitting all alone on the couch, witnessing siblings augmenting. I’ll never know what that’s like…

            Josh was still standing in the middle of the staircase, staring at the Master Bedroom door.

            “Josh… As you know… He doesn’t hold a grudge for long, but… Maybe it’s best if you don’t try to talk to him…” Then an idea popped into my head. “Why don’t you… Tell me everything. I’m not gonna storm away from you like Zac and… I’ll tell him your side of the story when he’s cooled down. I mean you did let me hear everything you were going to tell him, right?” It was a good idea. He took a deep sigh.

            “Alright then… Sounds good to me.” He slowly made his way down the stairs then into the TV room. He took a giant seat down beside and put his arm around the back of my section of the couch.

            “It all started when Hayley was sixteen and I was seventeen.” He started all the way from the beginning, and I knew that it’d be a LONG story.

            “Mmhmm.”

            “And… We had just signed our record deal with Fueled By Ramen.”

            “Mmhmm.”

            “Do you think you could stop going ‘Mmhmm’?”

            “Mmhmm.” He gave me a blank stare. “OH! HAHA! SORRY! Okay, I’ll stop.”

            “So the band was official, we were going on tour; we had a CD just released.” He paused, waiting to see if I would go ‘Mmhmm’. But I didn’t.

            “And, ever since Hayley moved to our neighbourhood, I’ve always had the biggest crush on her…”

            “Awwww…” but I knew this was going to take forever, “do you think you could not slow down or just say one sentence then wait for me to say something, cause then we’d be here for EVER so just say like a whole paragraph, you know, like you’re telling a story.” Then I pointed my finger up. “Because you ARE telling me a story!” then I did my Charmine laugh “Heh, heh, heh.” Inside joke with Sarah.

            “Okay fine. So I really liked her, even though she was just a year younger than me-”

            “Yeah, I mean it’s just a year, Zac and I are THREE years apart. Sarah’s parents are seven years apart. And Brody and-” I stopped. Cause Josh was staring right at me. “HAHAHA. Sorry.” He sighed.

            “Do you want me to tell you the story or not?” he asked, sort of fatigue. HAHA. Fatigue.

            “YES!!”

            “Alright then…” He shuffled in his seat. “And I just fell in love with who she is, her voice, her laugh, and well, you know, she’s beautiful.” He shuffled again. “And… when she turned sixteen, during her party, we performed for all the guests Conspiracy, the first song we all ever wrote as a band.” He shuffled again. If he shuffles again, I’ll hurt him. “After we performed… I just had to tell her… So I took her hand, and I pulled her aside, and I told her.” I thought he’d shuffle, but he didn’t. Maybe he read my mind! Then he just stared at my face, waiting for an answer. And I didn’t answer him until I realized he wanted an answer, which was 2 minutes later.

            “Told her what?”

            “That I had feelings for her!”

            “Well I know THAT, but WHAT DID YOU SAY!?” That was a very important part of the story that I felt I had the right to know. Being the girlfriend of his brother and all. AHH I LOVE ZAC.

            “Gosh, I don’t remember… Something on the lines of ‘Ever since I first met you I knew you were the one’.” I couldn’t help but go AWWWWWW!

            “AWWWWWW!” I started spazzing, “that’s so ADORABLE!”

            “How did I know you were going to go all ‘AWW’ on me like this...?”

            “Because AWW-ing is what I do! Other than play the bass. But, CONTINUE. What else did you say??”

            “Umm...” He shuffled in his seat. That was it.

*BAM!*

 

            “WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!?!” He said rubbing his arm.

            “You wouldn’t stop shuffling and it was annoying me! And I told myself that if you did it again, then I’d hurt you.”

            “You know you could have just told me nicely instead of punched me in the arm...” He was still rubbing his arm.

            “Well, I wasn’t thinking like that. Now can you tell me what else you said?” I was so eager to know!

            “No.”

            “WWWWWWWWHY NOT!?!?!”

            “As your lesson to learn not to hurt people, I’m not telling you whatever I told Hayles.”

            “You called her Hayles...” I smiled like a maniac.

            “What, no I didn’t.” He looked at me like I was crazy. So I looked at HIM like he was crazy.

            “Uh. Yes you did.”

            “Look, think whatever you want to think, but I know what I said.” He got up and pulled his pants up.

            “Wait, where are you going?!?” I didn’t get him mad enough to leave did I!?!

            “Bathroom break? Can’t a man clear the bladder?” The word bladder made me twitch.

            “Ngeh. Fine, but then come right back when you’re done and finish the story.”

 

Jeremy’s POV

 

 

            I checked the wall clock. 2:34 Am. How much longer did they need? I was losing patience. How can someone even have patience in a time like this!? I looked over at Keenan. He was just lying there with a bunch of monitors all around him. Sleeping...

            The room was silent except for the faint beeping of the heart monitor. I ran my fingers through his hair. He was so young, so full of life... He didn’t deserve this at all...

            A tear rolled down my cheek, but I didn’t even bother wiping it away. I was a father; I’m allowed to let people see my cry over my son... Then I heard a door open.

            I got up from where I was squatting and it was Sara.

 

AHH DRAMA!

LOL. Yes, I posted this one puh-ritty fast, didn’t I? Only like 3 days after.

Had too much time on my hands, but now, I have four textbooks FILLED with joy for me to complete for Tuesday. Ngeh.

Geo, English, Math, and Science. The four academic subjects.

Poop. This sucks. Don’t expect Chapter 4 to be up in 3 days.

And notice how Jeremy’s Sarah is SARA. Yes! Keep a watchful eye out for it next chapter.

Muahahaha...

 

Sarah xx.

Recap:  Drive Wherever The Road Takes Me.

 

---

 

Josh’s POV

 

 

          I just couldn’t get the thought of her out of my mind. It was like before… Couldn’t stop thinking about her… But now with different feelings.

          The way she truly put her heart into singing My Heart, our song, the one we wrote together, the one where we both spilled our hearts onto paper. The way she secretly held my hand under the blanket while the band took a break to watch a movie, and the way she’d squeeze my hand whenever something shocking came up. The way she’d try to prove you wrong if you said she couldn’t do something because she was a girl. The way… She’d catch my eye… When she lit up with a bright smile on her face… And she’d glance over at me… And our eyes would meet… And our eyes would lock for only a few seconds… And you just get this amazing chill running down your spine… Until one of us looked the other way.

It was all coming back to me.

 

*CAR BEEPING* HURRY UP GRANDPA OR YOUR ASS IS TOAST! GET A MOVE ON! *CAR BEEPING*

 

          But the way she’d doubt every girl that came in contact with me was something I didn’t miss. I think she secretly hated it when girls would scream at me saying “Oh my gosh, Josh your so hot!” or “I Love You, Josh!” or even “MARRY ME JOSH!” Even though she kept saying it was nothing and that it's just fans and what they're supposed to do. But I really thought she was going to burst when one girl ran up behind me and literally pounced on me and kissed me all over my head. But she didn’t. She did nothing but stare, each and every time. I confronted her about it a million times to reassure her that she was the only one that could ever make my heart skip a beat, and that those other girls meant nothing, and that she was the most important person to me. She would just nod, with a fake smile, and say she understands, but as she turned away, you could still sense she wasn’t… happy.

          I turned on the radio so it wouldn’t be so quiet and lonely.

          And now, ready for an old hit? These guys used to be the biggest thing for 8 years until Hayley left the band and they mysteriously called it quits. Maybe the "Pressure" got to them, *chuckles* but who knows? Anyways, here it is! Misery Business!  

          My heart stopped, and I literally jumped up and slammed my hand against the switch to shut off the radio before I heard anything. After that, I sat back down into my seat and let out a big sigh.

          Gosh, that scared the heck out of me. Soon I started to notice that there were lesser buildings and more trees outside. Where was I going? I checked my GPS. I was somewhere… In the middle of nowhere. Oh. Somewhere in East LA. I decided to just go drive over to Zac’s and actually have a chat with him. I mean, that was the initial plan, wasn’t it? When I got the chance, I U-Turned and drove 3 more hours to Zac’s place.

 

 

---

 

Zac’s POV

 

 

          “No, No Doubt wins, fair and square.” I told her. Ashleigh and I have been through this so many times, but she wouldn’t quit.

          “Zac, COME ON, The Distillers are so much better!” She begged for me to agree with her, but I wouldn’t. No matter how much she wanted me to. It was so funny; I loved seeing her kind of beg like that, it was so cute. “She is this strong, punk, gorgeous girl with an amazing life story and such an amazing, powerful voice, and she sends such a powerful and strong message and when it’s live she’s just so powerful and AGGHHHHHHHH!!” I got her.

          “I’m not giving in, Muppet; it’s always going to be No Doubt.” Yup. I called her Muppet. Anytime now, she’s gonna-

          “My name… Is not… MUPPET!” her facial expression was so funny, I can’t help but laugh. “IT IS NOT FUNNY! That name has been with me since the seventh grade and it has a lot of memories including memories I want to forget! Now if you cared about me and my well being. Then. You. Would. Stop. CALLING ME MUPPET.” I continued laughing. Man, I can be mean. But I didn’t mean for it to be mean, but she took it the other way. “I was with this guy back when I was sixteen, and after only 5 months of dating, he told me I love you, but not just any I love you, he whispered in my ear ‘I Love You Muppet’ and I didn’t know whether I should’ve felt happy or sad that he called me Muppet. And, like, a couple months later, he hurt me, in a way, and so now, whenever someone calls me Muppet or whenever I hear it, or especially when someone whispers it to me, I just… don’t feel right.”  There was a long pause.

          “Well, you never told me that.” I didn’t know, seriously.

          “Oh, I’m sorry for freaking then…”

          “No, I’m sorry for mentioning it.”

          “Who told you about that in the first place?”

          “The Spoon.” Hahaha, I loved Sarah's last name. Spoon + ER.

          “Ugh… SARAH!!” I gave her a kiss on the forehead. She lay down along the whole couch and stuffed her face in a pillow.

          “Hey, you’re taking up the whole space!” I whined, pushing her legs off the couch. She kept putting them back on, making sounds like “Ungh” and then for the last time, she just laid her legs on top of my lap. I grabbed the remote and just rested my arms on them. “Let’s see what’s on today…”

 

          Watch as the cranes perform the mating dance graceful- *CLICK* And the score is 37 to 48… Yyyyyup the Lakers are definitely taking it tonight *CLICK* Now, to add the finishing touches, add a dash of whipped cream to the *CLICK* Hiya Kids! Today we’re going to learn to identify shapes! Can you- *CLICK* If you call now, not only will you receive the amazing Sauna Belt, you will also- *CLICK*

 

          “Can you believe this? Nothing is on!” I shut the TV off and sunk back into the couch. “Ahhhhhh…”

          “I don’t watch TV, you know that.” She just lay there, with her head rested on her hand, now risen from the pillow.

          “Today is a lazy day.”

          “Laaaaaazzyyyyyy.”

          “How many more days until you have to go back on tour?” I wish she didn't have to go anytime soon.

          “… I don’t. Remember…”

          “Well… What do you wanna do today?”

          “I don’t know, what do you wanna do today?” She sat up with a big smile on her face, all excited.

          “Oh no, not this again. We are not Spongebob and Patrick, Ashleigh, don’t even think.”

          “NO, COME ON, IT’S SO FUNNY! Now, go! Say it!” Again, more begging.

          “Ashleigh, it’s not going to happen.”

          “You know you want to… Coooome ooooon… Lemme hear you saaay iiiiiit… Lemme hear you HOLLER! HAHAHAHAHA!” She cracked up and almost fell off the couch. I shot her a questioning look. “EL. OH. EL. Inside joke with me and Aiden.” She gave me an innocent smile. Man, she’s beautiful.

 

*DING DONG*

 

          “I wonder who that is…” I lifted Ashleigh’s legs off my lap, placed them back on the couch, and walked to the door. “Coming!” I unlocked, then opened the door. “Josh!” I sort of yelled, sort of startled. He was just standing there… With his hands in his jean pockets.

          “Hey, Zac.”

          “What are you doing here?” I looked around him, “where’s Natasha?”

          “Out. Can I come in?”

          “No you can’t sorry.” His smile disappeared.

          “You mean I drove all the way here for no-“

          “I’m kidding! Of course you can come in, Gee, you’re my brother!” He regained his smile and stepped inside and closed the door. “Ash, Josh is here!” I called out to the TV room. I heard something fall hard to the ground, then get up quickly, and run towards us.

          “JOOOOOSH!” She literally threw herself at him. After a decade, she finally let go of him. “Hi.” She started laughing like a lunatic. “Why you here?”

          “I came here to confess something to your boyfriend, so if you don’t mind I’m gonna steal him for a while.” He took his coat off and hung it in the closet.

          “I CAN KEEP A SECRET! I can, I SWEAR!”

          “Gasp, don’t swear!” Josh said jokingly.

          “Joooooosh stop it. Please? I keep secrets, but mostly, it’s because I have too many of secrets to keep that I forget most of them, EL. OH. EL!” Josh looked at me and chuckled.

          “She still says ‘LOL’? Look, Ashleigh, it’s something very personal and something I’ve been keeping from others for over 8 years, and it’s really hard for me to… express my feelings like this.”

          “And I’ll just be sitting across the table or couch… quietly sitting. No random outbursts.” Josh and I  looked at eachother with sarcastic gasps.

          “Is that humanly possible!?” I yelled as I held my chest with one hand and held my other arm out to Ashleigh with a trembling hand. She just slapped it down.

          “Hmm… Not sure, Fellow Farro, but we’re about to find out.” He gave Ash a smirk.

          “… Huh?? …” She had the most confused look, and I’m not surprised. She has her ‘slow’ moments, even though she was a freaking genius in school. Out of school = Huh!?

          “Yes, fine, you can be around when I explain things to Zac…” I could tell he was getting ready for an explosion or something. And it came.

          “REALLY!?!? YEEEAAAHHHHAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!!!!” She literally body checked him, seriously. “THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I’m just gonna sit here and just sit here and GGGBBBLLLLYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHH THANK YOU!” Then she squeezed him to death.

          “Didn’t realize how much it meant to you…” He managed to say even though there was 120lbs worth of pressure on his chest. So we walked off to the living room and got cozy in the couch.

          “Okay you guys… Um. Don’t kill me after I say this… As I said before it’s a confession… But…” There was a long pause before he managed to spit it out.

 

          “The main reason why Hayley left the band was because Hayley and I broke up after an eight year relationship and she didn’t want to work with me anymore, let alone even see me.”

 

          If I was in the middle of eating right now, I would've choked on my food.

 

---

Didn't put too much drama into this one, but in the next one Josh explains it all.
And then in the next one... MAJOR DRAMA!
So, keep an eye out for it if for some reason I don't let you know. EL.OH. EL.

Sarah xx.

BTW, The Sarah in here isn't Jeremy's girlfriend, it's me. And The Spoon, is my nickname for everyone. But later on, Jeremy's Sarah is going to be in the story, but to lessen the confusion as to "Which Sarah is that?" I'm going to remove the H from Jeremy's Sarah to make it Sara. Because I like my H. It's a wonderful H. 

HAHAHAHA! THIS IS HILARIOUS! I had a dream one night that makes me smile to this day. Okay even if it was just two nights ago, but still! I'll be laughing about it still 50 years later!

BTW. Ashleigh [anticaution] and Crystal [atavan], and Gerard Way are in this. And the person "Andrea" is a guy. I know. It's a girls name. But he's South African. Anyway, he's this guy that I had really hurtful experiences with and so yeah, sorta makes sense in the dream.

Okay here.
ENJOY!

 

          Me, Ashleigh, and Crystal were in this park in Ottawa next to a tiny tiny mall or line up of shops and a railroad.
We were just swinging around the poles [not stripper poles, the ones at playgrounds] and sitting on the swings until a bunch of my old guy friends from my old school came over [the nice cool real friend ones, not the fake friends] and Ash and Crys started talking to them but then there was one guy that I couldn't for some reason see his face and he grabbed me and locked me in this bear hug and was shaking me going "DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME!?!?!?" AND HE WOULDN'T LET ME GO. Then I realize it was Andrea.

          He was WAAAAAAAY ugly. REALLY REALLY UGLY. Had like hair not washed in weeks, scruffy beard thing growing, NASTY BO. And.. he was drooling on me. But then I got away from him and ran into the tiny McDonalds. I shut the door and turned around and I saw Gee. The young Gee, like 15-16. He was really fat. And he was just sitting on the bench, staring sadly at his fries. I just stood there and smiled at him the whole time. [I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GERARD THOUGH, IT WAS LIKE BEFORE WE KNEW MCR, EVEN THOUGH WE WERE ALL 15]. He looked up at me with a blank/sad face, and I walked over to him, put my hand on his shoulder, and had a pyschic moment and said "Don't worry. In a couple years you'll be a talented sexy beast that will create wonderful music and have girls chasing you cause they all wanted to fuck you." Then he just stared at me and smiled.

          Then Ashleigh came in and she were like "Hey who's that? I like his outfit" He was wearing his black velvet suit, bat belt buckle, red tie, and makeup, but he STILL HAD THE MUSHROOM CUT.
          Then Crystal came in and was like "I'm gonna order a pack of nuggets" and then ANDREA came in all savage like and he saw me and was like "SAAAAAARAAAAAAH!!!" drooling all over the friggin place. And he was about to chase me but Gerard got up and stood infront of me blocking him and was all like 'Hey she's mine!" and then they fought to the death. Gerard won. Then Ash and Crystal sat down and started eating [Ash, being vegetarian, took Gerard's fries, not the nuggets]. Then Gee turned to me and was all smiling and I was all smiling and then he hugged me really tight. And as we were hugging, his body was shrinking. Like he was gettin thinner and thinner, and then when he reached like fit like how he is now, he looked down at me and was gonna kiss me TILL I WOKE UP!!!!!

Beautiful dream with a Should've-Been-A-Happy Ending.
BUT ISN'T IT HILARIOUS!?!?
"And he was just sitting on the bench, staring sadly at his fries."
That part made me go "AWWWWW" in my dream and just thinking about it now makes me go "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!"

SO YES.
THAT WAS MY WONDERFUL DREAM.
GOOOOOOODNIIIIIGHT.
DON'T LET THE VAMPIRES BITE. UNLESS IT'S GERARD.
XD

Sarah xx.

PS. I've finally been able to work on Chapter 2 of My Heart Is Yours, so expect it to be up soon!

Hey guys...

Just letting you know that I won't be on Buzznet for quite a while...
So, don't expect Chapter Two of My Heart Is Yours to be up soon...
Something's just come up and well...
It's really affected me...
So I don't think I'll be on for a long time...
Unless I recover quickly...
Which I doubt...

Confused?

So am I.

PROLOGUE

Hayley's POV

'Ugh damn this stupid laptop! Damn this low internet connection! Damn the world!' I dropped the laptop onto my bed and collapsed down beside it, staring out the window at the dark starless sky.

It's been 5 years since I've heard from the guys. A fact that's been slowly killing me each and every passing day. This isn't normal. this isn't like them. Heck, this isn't like me.
I still don't even truly know the reason behind our breakup and why we decided to call it quits. Let's take a walk down memory lane.
Jeremy wanted to take a break and spend time with his newborn son, which, well, would pretty much take forever if he wanted to be with his kid to watch him grow. And also because of me and Josh. But that was secret. No one knew that we secretly loved eachother, more than in a friendship matter. Man, that caused so much damage.
We were so strong as a band during our 2nd and 3rd album, but when the 4th one came along, it was almost like we were cast under a curse. The rumors, the arguements, the everything. But I can't even focus on that right now, the only thing I could think of after mentioning him was Josh.

Why couldnt I get over him? He was so far away, the other side of the country, to be exact, and its been 5 years since I last spoke to him or saw him. Five years is a long time! God knows what he probably looks like now. Tall, hair at the perfect length, handsome, well he was always handsome, ever since I first met him... 'SHUT UP BRAIN, SHUT UP! You are trying to move on! He could be married, for goodness sake! With kids!'... But maybe I could just call him and see how things are doing.
Wow. Just realized that'd be a very big move for me. To actually pick up the phone, and talk to him... What if he changed his number? I bet he did. Man, I can't handle it... I just have this need to hear his voice again... 'STOP IT! What is wrong with me!?'
As my two personalities battled over the decision to call him or not, I searched for his number, just incase.

It's been half an hour, and the decision still hasn't been made.

Oh what the heck! One phone call won't kill me! And, and, even if I'm trying to get over him, this could help! This could be a friendly phone call, just to help my brain settle the fact that we will be and are, just friends. I dialled the number and waited for the phone to ring.

Oh my goodness. What have I done. I can't talk to him! I'm such an idiot for actaully thinking I could do this!
*Brrrrrrriiing*  'OH NO ITS RINGING!'  With every ring my heart sped up, beating faster and fa-

"Hello?"
*BEEP*

AHH! IT WAS HIM! I HEARD HIS VOICE! I HUNG UP ON HIM! 'Oh great, nice move Hayley'. But it doesn't matter! I heard his voice.. A voice I thought I'd never hear again...

I turned to my side, and curled up into a ball with a big smile on my face. There's no doubt about it... I still love him. His voice replayed in my mind as it lulled me to sleep.

---

CHAPTER ONE

Josh's POV.

"Morning, Sleepy Head!" Natasha called out to me. The smell of toast and coffee lured me into the kitchen to find my smiling girlfriend standing, waiting patiently next to the Coffee Machine.

"Who you calling Sleepy Head? Atleast I am showered and in proper clothing, not a bath robe and fuzzy bunny slippers" She let out a giggle and came over to me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey! Atleast I didn't wake up at 11:30," she sarcastically shook her head from side-to-side, "would you like some coffee, Monsieur?" I loved it when she tried to speak with a french accent, though failed miserably.

"Ding Ding, News Flash, it is SUNDAY today. And yes, I don't mind if I do." I pulled out a chair and sat myself down.

*ZZ-ZZ-ZZ* HELLO MOTO! *ZZ-ZZ-ZZ* *Funky Jingle*

I reached down into my pocket for my cellphone and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I eagerly asked. Why didn't I just check to see who was calling? Man, the results of sleeping in.

*BEEP*

The person hung up on me! I checked to see who was calling me.

"What the... " I said puzzled, staring at my phone. Was that... who I think it was?

"Who was it hun?" Natasha asked as she started to pour me and herself a cup of coffee. "Ugh!" She put down the pot of coffee to tie her long blonde hair back so it wouldn't fall into the mugs.

"I don't know... It's an unknown number... It... It looks a lot like, Hayley's number.." Why would she be calling me? 

"Hayley? Oh, you mean your ex bandmate, that singing girl?"

"Uhmm, yeah... Hayley..." I tried to shake the thought of her out of my mind.

"Wow, hasn't it been like 3 years since you last seen or talked to her?" I hoped she'd end this Hayley discussion soon.

"Uh, 5 years actually..." I stared out the window, reminiscing everything that happened between us.

"Why don't you guys ever hang out or atleast talk to each other anymore?"

"It's a long story." I really wanted to change the subject, but why didn't I?

"But you guys were like best friends..." She handed me my filled-to-the-top mug. I held it tight with two hands and stared into the pool of black...

"Yeah..." I said quietly, "best friends..." I took a sip, then suddenly had the urge to look down at my socks... Haha, the Spongebob socks Hayley bought for me from the Nickelodeon centre in Canada's Wonderland years back. Can't believe they still fit.

"So why don't you-" I took another sip, then quickly looked up and interrupted her.

"Natasha, I think I'm going to go see Zac and see how's he's doing okay?" Wait, why did I say that?

"But... doesn't he live on the other side of town?" She blankly asked me. She gave me that What's-On-Your-Mind/What-Are-You-Thinking/Are-You-Serious face.

"Yeah, but something's come up, and I feel I should see him"  But, nothing had come up, I don't need to see him...

"That's a long drive, hun... I'll come along, hold on I'll go get ready really quick..." She started to fast walk towards the stairs. I took a giant gulp, then put my mug down on the table.

"No, it's fine, I think this is something I should do alone" I stood up started walking toward the key holder. She turned and followed me, confused and worried.Then she started blabbering, stuttering nervously over her words.

"I feel like I'm in one of those movies where something big is going on and I don't know about it and then something's gonna happen to you and I'm not gonna know about it and then I-" I turned around and held her shoulders.

"Natasha, really it's fine, okay?"

"Well, well, how long are you gonna be there for?? You can't just leave me alone for a few days!" She gave me the look... Uh-Oh.

"No, no. I'll be back tonight, I promise. Um... Spend the day with your girlfriends! When was the last time you saw Katie and Shyanne?" Smart thinking, thought to myself.

"Well... That's true, I haven't seen them for a long time..." a big smile soon spread across her face, "okay... That's a good idea... I'll see you tonight!" She headed towards the stairs again, then suddenly turned and faced me, "oh, and be safe!" I walked up to her and held her face, and gave her a kiss on the lips while she held my hands.

"...I will, you have fun..." I grabbed my keys and my jacket, put my shoes on, and walked out the door.

That kiss... It reminded me of when Hayley and I first kissed back when we were teenagers...
I opened the car door and settled myself in. I just sat there with my hands on the wheel thinking.
I wasn't going to see Zac... He probably isn't even home, he's probably out with Ashleigh right now. Where was I going...

Nowhere. I'll just drive. Drive wherever the road takes me. That's what Dad always did when he needed to relax and think something out.

---

OKAY. That is all I'm going to write for Chapter 1.
How did you guys like it? Or is it still very AMATEUR?
This is my first FanFic that I'm writing alone, I usually write them with:
Crystal [Atavan; check out her FanFic "The Drama Summer" and "Chapter 2: Wonderland"!]
and Ashleigh [Anticaution; she has way too many FanFics for me to mention!]
ALSO. You guys may confused wondering, "WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN HAYLEY AND JOSH, WHAT'S GOING ON!?!"
Well, I'm going to reveal bits and pieces of what happened to them and flashbacks and memories and all that THROUGHOUT the story.
I'll let you guys know when Chapter Two is up!  Comments please, even Constructive Criticism!

BY THE FRIGGIN WAY GUYS!
If you haven't already noticed I posted the most embarrassing photo of me on my site.
But I didn't post it for all my Buzznet Buddies to point and laugh at, it was my entry for the Lostprophets MEGA LOLZ Contest!
Just check out the photo and read the description!!
It is quite funny actually.
Hope the photo makes you all laugh til your bladder explodes and you piss your pants :]
Love you guys!

Sarah xx. 

It was beautiful. I swear, the best frikin day of my whole frickin life. My first concert. With my two best friends, Ash and Crys. And uh, what band, you may be wondering? Three words. Fall. Out. Friggin. Boy. Okay, so four words. One of my most favourite bands EVER!

Okay so it started out in Ash's room. OMG! OMG! WE HAVE TO GET READY IN 20 MINUTES! I wore my black tuxedo T-Shirt, grey jean mini skirt, studded bet, navy converse, and Ash's really funky knee socks. Crys wore her Rise Against shirt, red plaid shorts, studded belt, Ash's leg warmers, and black converse. And Ash wore her Paramore shirt, black distressed mini skirt, AFI hoodie shirt thing, studded belt, and black converse, and she was going to wear her pink and black striped stockings that went up to her thighs but they had these HUGE HONKIN HOLE right in the middle of them [LOL, the minute i just typed that, Ashleigh hit her head on the corner of this cabinet]. Then, this part was actually pretty funny, but you had to be there. We were all in a line infront of her mirror puting eyeliner on. Sounds boring but it was quite funny. ANYWAYS! We got into the vehicle and yeah spent 3 hours in traffic. URGH. But we spent the whole time singing, eating chips, laughing, and being REALLY RANDOM! [I took a, like, 10 minute video of us in the car, LOL, i'll post it when i can!]

OMG okay when we got there, there were sooooooo many like, posers and sluts walking around LOL. It was disturbing though. Oh but when we entered the coliseum i heard girls saying like "Hey i really like her outfit" and stuff to us so i was all like YEAH!! Hahaha! Okay so we checked our ticket right. We were supposed to get sixth row. But when the guy showed us where our seats were, we were sooooo pissed. It was like, back of the first floor! Like way back!! It sucked. But to calm ourselves down, we bought a giant bag of cotton candy. 

*
*                                        *

"EWWWW!!" Okay the opening band is what me and my fellow mates call POSERBAND THAT SHOULD GO TO HELL AFTER WE MURDER THEM IN THEIR SLEEP!!
Harsh but true. I absolutely hate this band. It's this Filipino local band called Chicosci.
Why do i hate them with all my heart? Because! THEY COPIED EVERYTHING FROM MCR!
LET ME LIST ALL OF THEIR SHITTY-NESS:

-The lead singer TRIES but FAILS to sing just like Gerard
-They try to write lyrics like MCR
-The lead vocalist and guitarist copied the Frerard-ness by kissing eachother on the cheek and caressing eachother
-The lead singer does the Gun-Pointed-To-The-Head thing like what Gerard does
-You know the thing Gerard does when he like, fans himself with his hand? Yeah the guy does that too
-The lead singer also goes "WE! ARE! CHI! CO! SCIIIIII!!" Trying to make it sound like
"WE! ARE! MY! CHEMICAL! ROMAAAAANCE!!"
-You know how at the beginning of some songs, Gerard like stands in front of the Bob, with his back to the audience, and makes all these sudden movements to go alone with music like, stick his right arm out to the right, then his left arm to the sky, then like, turns/jumps quickly towards the crowd? That mother f_cker does that too
-Yeah, and just like how Gerard does sometimes, the poser makes like, orgasmic sounds on stage and like, fondles himself. Which was very scary to watch.
-You know how Gerard loves to spin that mic in circles then catch it in the air right? Well the damn loser does that too

There are plenty other things to do but I don't wanna list them cause i dont wanna make this journal to long. I only have until Ash gets out of the shower and we have to go to write this. Which sadly, i think i heard the shower go off. So. I'm going to make this Part I!!
Yeah so I'll write the Part II like... when I can.

ASTA LA VISTA BEH-BEH!!

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY MIKEY!!!! WE LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!

anywyas, the title was pretty self explanatory...  LOL

This sucks ASS!!!!
My Chemical Romance. My favourite band. Ever. Is coming to Manila. MANILA!!!!
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IN MANILA, PHILIPPINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is like my friggin DREAM! I've never been to any of their concerts before, because I've never been to a concert in my whole life. Yes i know, i am a friggin sad child. But anyways, there's one thing. I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED fron row. as in NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED front row. Cause yeah i have planned the whole thing out of what i'm going to do. But obviously, SECRET!!
So anyways, but what i heard from my bestie is that usually at the Araneta Coliseum, only people that know/are-related-to the people that own the Coliseum get front row. Which is TOTALLY unfair. PLUS!!! Front row tickets are probably like.... 9000 pesos. 9000 FRIGGIN PESOS!!!! THAT'S LIKE 250-300 CANADIAN DOLLARS!!!! WHERE THE HELL AM I GONNA GET THE MONEY!?!?!

I can't get a job here because I'm a "white" girl [BTW yeah, I live in Manila, Philippines. Just moved here from Canada cause of my dad's job] and I'm too afraid to ask my parents for more money. There alreayd getting me FOB tickets for sixth row, plane tickets to go see my friends for a weekend for the concert, and a guitar. May seem like not a lot of money to some people but its a lot for my family and to me. I don't know what to do! I NEEEEEEEEED FRONT ROOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!! It's true!! I am going to see FOB!! In Manila!!! On September 21st!! YEEESSSSS AND TRIPLE YESSS!!!!!!!!!!! And guess what!?

It's going to be my FIRST CONCERT I'VE EVER BEEN TOO!!! AND I'M GOING WITH MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!!!!! Crystal "atavan" and Ashleigh "anticaution"!! It's going to be FRIGGIN SWEET!!!!!!